Ten Tips for Writing Your Perfect Wedding Vows

Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Ten Tips for Writing Your Perfect Wedding Vows

Ten Tips for Writing Your Perfect Wedding Vows

1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender is good, but any kind will work). Down the left side of the page, write the numbers 1-10. Now ? without stopping to think about it, fill in this page! Write down the first 10 things that come to mind in response to this sentence: "I love (my partner's name) because . . . " Set this piece of paper aside.

2. Now ? how about YOU? What do YOU bring to this union? What promises will you make? Take another sheet of paper, and write 'em down ? don't worry about spelling, grammar, or anything else at this point. Just write down 4-5 things you want to promise this very special person with whom you want to spend your life.

? Do you promise to be there in bad times as well as good?

? Do you promise to be faithful with your body as well as with your mind and heart?

? Do you promise to support your partner even when he/she isn't perfect?

? Do you promise to share all your resources? Some?

? What about if he/she gets sick? What about if you have a serious fight?

You get the idea . . . what are you promising in this union?

3. Think about the language you will use to claim your partner and name your relationship. When you introduce your beloved, what words will you use? Husband? Wife? Spouse? Partner for Life? What energy does each of these have for you? If you don't like one for some reason, throw it out. . . but before you start writing you vows, decide . . . what language will you use? This is a decision you need to make together . . . so start early, and give this as much time as it takes.

4. OK, after you've done steps 1-3, and you've got at least two pages of writing and one decision made ? set it all aside. Do something else, preferably with your partner, and preferably fun. Like Christmas trees, weddings get too much "stuff" hung on them, Make yours beautiful, by stepping aside from the stress for a day or two. Go out and remember WHY you love . . . go and play.

5. Done that? Now it's time to make a BIG DECISION. Are each of you going to write your own vow, or do the two of you want to say the same thing? You don't have to, you know ? some of the most beautiful ceremonies I've celebrated had each partner saying something different . . . But here's a trick: If you're each creating your own unique vow, why not insert a sentence at the end symbolizing the fact that you come together as unique individuals, and, without surrendering your individuality, you are creating a beautiful, shared union. Here's an example of words each partner might use to complete his or her unique vow:

John, I accept you as my husband.

I Tracy, embrace you, Susan, as my partner for life.

6. It's time to go back to the papers you wrote in Steps 1 and 2. If you're working together, you'll have fun sharing those pages, and seeing where you overlap . . . Use colored pencils or highliters to lift up what you have in common ? and make those promises and statements of love just leap off the page.

7. Now, whether you're working alone or as a couple, it's time to prioritize. Which is fancy language for saying, OK, if I have to cut two of these promises off the list, which ones will they be? Nibble at your lists, removing the things that are just a little less juicy, until you're left with three or four things you love . . . and about the same number of things you promise.

8. Copy these over onto a brand new, clean page. (It's amazing what a difference a clean sheet of paper can make ? trust me on this!)

9. One more question . . . this is a wedding, a celebration of your union, presumably for life. Will your vows indicate a time frame? Some couples use phrase like: "Through all our years, and in all that life may bring us . . . " "For the rest of my days"

"As long as we both shall live"

"lifetime partner."

"partner forevermore."

Whatever works for you, a wedding or service of union vow should contain a phrase that indicates the duration of your commitment. ( If you've come this far, I hope you've decided to promise your commitment for life.)

10. Read your vow out loud to a trusted someone other than your partner. Does it sound like you? How does it feel to say these words aloud? Have you said anything you'd be embarrassed to say in public? Are there any tongue-tanglers in there? (It's amazing how seemingly simple phrases turn complex when it's time to speak!) Make whatever minor changes you need, and then Stop. Feel good about what you've done ? for you have created one of the greatest gifts you will ever make.

Maureen Killoran, MA, DMin, is a Unitarian Minister and a life coach in private practice in Hendersonville, NC. You can learn more about her services as a wedding consultant and officiant at http://www.spiritquest.ws . . . and about her coaching practice at http://www.spiritquestcoaching.com

In The News:

Top 10 gay wedding destinations
Reuters
| NEW YORK (Reuters) - The steadily increasing stream of states and countries legalizing gay marriage has dramatically changed the lives of LGBT people and their loved ones in recent years. In honour of the growing number of places to celebrate lesbian ...

and more »

When does a wedding become a marriage? | Nandell Palmer
Federal Way Mirror
The term “holy matrimony” is a hard sell to people seeking lawful protection but have no religious allegiance attached to the institution of marriage. Wedding vows can be exchanged at City Hall, on a hospital bed, prison, or a Las Vegas drive-through ...

Christian Post
Marvel Comics plans wedding for gay hero Northstar
Sioux City Journal
The New York-based publisher said Tuesday that Canadian character Jean-Paul Beaubier will marry his beau, Kyle Jinadu, in the pages of "Astonishing X-Men" No. 51. That's due out June 20. Northstar revealed he was gay in the pages of "Alpha Flight" No.
Marvel Comics X-Men Gay Wedding Sparks Fierce DebateChristian Post
Scottish Parliament motion acknowledges Marvel's same-sex weddingComic Book Resources
Marvel Comics plans wedding for gay hero Northstar in JuneDallas Voice
Washington Post -WIS -Los Angeles Times
all 632 news articles »

The Associated Press
Stormy start to a marriage
TriValley Central
But for people living outside Tornado Alley, Caleb and Candra Pence's wedding last Saturday is generating the kind of buzz usually reserved for celebrity nuptials. The video of the service has gone viral, garnering more than 20000 views on YouTube and ...
Couple captures once-in-a-lifetime wedding photoKSLA-TV
The Ultimate Wedding Crasher: Kansas TornadoesWLWT Cincinnati
Tornado Wedding Pictures: Kansas Newlyweds Caleb And Candra Pence Get ...Huffington Post

all 334 news articles »

New York Times
Wedding Q. and A.
New York Times
Making Room for Guests of the Children My fiancé has two children from his first marriage; they will be 11 and 15 at the time of our wedding this fall. We all live together (their mother is dead) and I am fortunate to have a great relationship with the ...

On Love: 'He fit an ideal I was looking for'
Washington Post
Standing before the Eiffel Tower at night, Fernandez pulled out a ring and asked Clendening to marry him. Even as they planned the wedding, they weren't sure where they could make a life together. But in December, HP offered Clendening a position in ...

PerezHilton.com
Alec Baldwin & Hilaria Thomas Secretly Planning A Wedding In Europe??
PerezHilton.com
Tags: alec baldwin, cannes, elope, hilaria thomas, honeymoon, married, wedding Madonna fans, can you believe we are now only DAYS away from the MDNA world tour kickoff?!! Her Madgesty will give her first show in Tel Aviv next Thursday and to say we are ...

and more »

Brisbane Times
Stop Judging Mark Zuckerberg for His Relatively Normal Wedding
The Atlantic Wire
The wedding story of last weekend that took everyone by surprise was, of course, the marriage of Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg to his longtime girlfriend Priscilla Chan. We laughed, we cried, ladies wanted her dress, we all marveled at their ability to ...
Status update for Facebook's Jewish founder: marriedJweekly.com
Mrs Zuckerberg's post-marriage entitlementsBrisbane Times
Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg faces the perils of Wall StreetLos Angeles Times
GizmoCrave
all 106 news articles »

On Love: Simone Hardeman and Chris Jones
Washington Post
Janet Bennett Kelly More Weddings and Engagements: Getting married in the Washington area? Tell us your story to be featured in On Love. Photos: Marriage proposals in the movies Photos: Wedding trends for 2012 Photos: How to choose a diamond Engagement ...

Dowry deaths are the hidden curse of the big fat Indian wedding
New York Daily News
But the "happily ever after" myth that permeates Indian weddings was powerfully dispelled by other studio guests who gave accounts of their horrific post-marriage lives. One said she was harassed by her husband and in-laws and ultimately was left to ...

and more »

Google News