A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

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A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?

A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What is the legal definition of "Appeal"?

A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?

A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.

Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry.

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?

A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

Q: What's the difference between lawyers and accountants?

A: At least accountants know they're boring.

Stories:

1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.

2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."

And finally:

You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.

Richard Chapo is a San Diego business lawyer with http://www.sandiegobusinesslawfirm.com and is rumored to have a sense of humor. Then again, you never know with rumors.

In The News:

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Bill Irwin, star of the humorous, heart-rending 80-minute “Endgame,” Nick Gabriel, as his servant-slave, and supporting actors Gils Havergal and Barbara Oliver as his parents play verbal ping-pong with life and its jagged journey.

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World Peace retains sense of humor
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Dramatic endings usually play well in Los Angeles. But this is not a movie, and there was no last-second shot from superhero Kobe Bryant to save the season. The Lakers have been dumped from the NBA playoffs, left to panic and ponder another premature ...

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South County man seeks to spread humor to fellow veterans
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The 80-year-old South County resident has compiled the humorous material into three volumes called "Laughter Is The Best Medicine." He wants to give them to Veterans Administration hospitals and veteran homes for their patients, residents and relatives ...

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Humor Me: When cancer became an afterthought
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by Kevin N. Hume Until Saturday, I had almost forgotten my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer just about four years ago. I was covering the Relay for Life event at Clear Lake High School. I had never been to the event before. As I walked around, ...

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Slain West Bloomfield teen remembered with humor, tears
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Pallbearers bring the casket of slain teen Jonathan Hoffman out from the Ira Kaufman Chapel in Southfield after his funeral Tuesday. / REGINA H. BOONE/DETROIT FREE PRESS By Tammy Stables Battaglia Mourners hug after the funeral.

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