Your Perfect Partner

Home
>
Finding Happiness
>
Your Perfect Partner

Your Perfect Partner

A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great "catch" and a "perfect partner" but she wondered why her relationships always seemed to fail.

Here's what she wrote to us-- "I dated men of various ages and cultures but all my relationships ended up in disaster. I constantly searched, hoping for love to come my way. Then I started reading your newsletters. I carried a lot of personal baggage from my past and set unrealistic standards and expectations for my lovers hoping they would fail because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid they would hurt me and disappoint me, so I made sure I would be in control when they did."

In this situation, Jane has an incredible opportunity in front of her. She can continue as she has been, being fearful and attracting people who will disappoint her or she can learn from what she has discovered about her patterns from the past.

It's been our experience that we attract the people into our lives who show us what we need to heal within ourselves, new possibilities for the future, and the contrast of what we want and don't want in our lives.

We take the rather contrarian view that there are no relationship mistakes or failures and only opportunities to heal, learn, grow and experience joy.

Even though "Jane" thought her relationships were failures, each one was actually another chance to become more emotionally aware of what was going on inside her, what she wanted for her life and to give her an opportunity to heal and create new ways to do it differently.

What we have found is that we keep attracting the same type of person, not just intimate partners, and experiences into our lives until we heal the past and "do it differently."

Otto's car is a black Buick Century with leather seats. He's very hot natured and since we live in Ohio where the summers are very hot and humid, he suffers in his "hot" car. He loved the way the car looked on the showroom floor, but his day-to-day experience has given him a powerful lesson of what he doesn't want in a car. As you can imagine, he's made a clear intention through the power of contrast that his next car will not be black or have leather seats.

He had an opportunity to learn this lesson when he was 18 years old and drove a black Ford Pinto station wagon with no air-conditioning to Tampa, Florida at the beginning of August. He swore then as he sat in traffic with sweat dripping onto the steering wheel that he'd never have another black car.

Obviously, he hadn't learned this lesson so he needed to bring another black car into his experience.

The point is that Otto has finally learned from this valuable experience and will do it differently the next time, although he really likes a lot about his current car.

This story is an example of coming to an awareness of what you want and what you don't want and of learning from past experiences that are not "failures" but are opportunities for expansion and growth.

Please don't misunderstand us and think that we are recommending that because you don't like something about your current partner or job that you "throw them away" and get another "model."

What we are recommending is that you take the opportunity to become emotionally aware, like "Jane" did, as much of the time as possible. Decide that you deserve to have a great relationship and a great life, whatever that means to you.

We are inviting you to learn from the past and the power of contrast so that you can begin creating the life you want.

Here are some ideas to help you...

1. Whenever something is important to you, don't stuff it down and pretend it doesn't matter. Have the courage to share it with your partner.

2. Accept responsibility for your part in past relationships that haven't worked out the way you wanted them to work out. Look for reoccurring patterns that will show you where you need to heal.

3. Know that there's no such thing as failure in relationships, only experiences that you may not have enjoyed.

4. Embrace the idea that no matter what has happened in your relationships up until now, the future can be different.

So in a sense, each person who comes into our lives is "the perfect partner" for us if we use these experiences that we have with them to heal, learn and grow.

*********
Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including "Creating Relationship Trust". In addition to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles like this or to sign up for their free online relationship tips newsletter visit http://www.collinspartners.com http://www.RelationshipTrust.com

In The News:

Olympics-Happiness for Bhutan Olympians is not golden
Reuters
Neither Sherab nor Kunzang expect to win medals for Bhutan, an impoverished, largely Buddhist country between India and China which only opened up to foreigners in 1974, banned television until 1999, and uses happiness to measure its success.

and more »

How to Be Happier at Work: 3 Tips
TIME
Tan used his 20% time, working with experts, to create a course called “Search Inside Yourself,” designed to help Googlers improve their emotional intelligence and mindfulness, making them happier and more productive employees, and better bosses.
Increased Productivity Through MindfulnessSeattle Post Intelligencer (blog)
How to be happier at work: Three tipsDynamic Business

all 3 news articles »

Travel: Happiness is a humidity-free seaside town, plus top 10 states where ...
San Jose Mercury News
How else would you explain Kiawah Island, SC, and Naples, Fla., beating the sublime Sausalito and Tiburon in the publication's first-ever list of the 15 Happiest Seaside Towns? (Coastal Living is based in Birmingham, Ala., so there's that.) ...

and more »

Modern Happiness: Springsteen and the American Dream
Huffington Post (blog)
I think happiness is an idea that's kind of overblown in our society, and incredibly muddled down by different shit that tries to appeal to happiness or make you happy, but really only one person knows what happiness is, and that person is everybody.

The Guardian (blog)
The New Economics of Happiness
The Atlantic
But do they know how to measure happiness? If they did, what would we even do with the results? Each year, the OECD produces the Better Life Index, a comprehensive report on the well-being of advanced countries based on a long list of factors, ...
Happiness is - being a woman!Indian Express
The Happiest Countries in the World24/7 Wall St.
Better life: relaunching the happiness indexThe Guardian (blog)
Moneynews -MercatorNet (blog)
all 1,129 news articles »

IBTimes.co.uk
Can Happiness Research Invent a Better Economics?
The Atlantic
But do they know how to measure happiness? If they did, what would we even do with the results? Each year, the OECD produces the Better Life Index, a comprehensive report on the well-being of advanced countries based on a long list of factors, ...
Top Ten Happiest Countries in the World in 2012 [SLIDESHOW]IBTimes.co.uk

all 40 news articles »

ADDING MULTIMEDIA Money Can Buy Happiness After All ... Sort Of
MarketWatch (press release)
ATLANTA, May 24, 2012 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- They say money can't buy happiness, but $5 will get you pretty close today. After welcoming its 5 millionth guest earlier this year, the World of Coca-Cola, also known as the home of happiness, is celebrating ...

and more »

AARP News (blog)
Happiness: Reversing the Formula
Huffington Post
We grow up being taught to believe external things will bring happiness. Many of us learn to equate our own happiness with the level of success we achieve and the external things that come with the achievement. If we meet the right person, ...
What's Your Happiness Formula?AARP News (blog)

all 2 news articles »

Sowetan
'Happiness' is key Semenya ingredient
Sowetan
FOR Dorcas Semenya, world athletics champion Caster Semenya's mother, the most important lesson to teach one's children is to always be happy. PROUD: Doris Semenya has instilled joy in her children. "I am a person filled with joy.

and more »

WBEZ (blog)
Are the Chinese happier than they were 20 years ago?
WBEZ (blog)
After two decades of rapid economic growth, people in China aren't necessarily happier than they were 20 years ago. At least that's what a recent economic study found. Better economic conditions haven't really affected middle-income earners and the ...

and more »

Google News