9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce

Home
>
Divorce
>
9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce

9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce

Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying.

What happens if the decision is one sided? What happens to the party who can sometimes feel blind-sided by one person's decision that they no longer want to be a part of this union?

Been there, done that. Only I wasn't the one who made the decision to leave the relationship. It was my ex-husband's decision. Okay, I helped him make the actual decision to leave (he didn't have much choice), but the result was the same. Feelings of "what's wrong with me?" are abundant.

So here are some things that will help you to get your self esteem back after a divorce:

1. Talk to someone.

The first step to resolving those feelings is to talk to someone. Bend a familiar ear?be it biased or unbiased. Whether it's to a trusted friend, or to a counselor, getting it out verbally is a great start to regaining your sense of self.

2. Be Honest.

If you decide that you're going to seek help from a counselor, make sure that you tell the entire truth about what you're feeling. Be as honest as you possibly can. How can a counselor do his/her job properly, if you're not completely honest? Regardless of what you tell a counselor, he/she is not there to judge you, merely to listen and to offer some constructive unbiased advice if necessar. Not criticism, just advice.

3. Keep a Journal.

Writing down what's going on in your head is also helpful, weather you choose to do that via paper journal, or online journal, both are helpful. I find that using an online journal is much easier, as I don't write nearly as quickly as I type.

4. Get to know yourself again.

It's typical to lose oneself during the course of a relationship. I know I did! So after my divorce, I took some time to get to know "Me" all over again. Do whatever it is that you love to do! If you enjoyed snowboarding before you were married, get back to it! If you enjoyed knitting, put aside some time to do that. Read some good books, enjoy spending time with new friends, go away for the weekend, go and be you!

5. Don't let those negative feelings back in.

Once you've written down feelings that aren't positive ("I hate him/her. I can't believe that he/she did this to me.") in a journal of some type, you'll notice that if you go back and re-read those bad feelings (and we all do it at least once), you're mentally and emotionally back in that place all over again. Re-reading the ugly details of my divorce for instance, used to put me in that mood all over again (I've since tossed that journal). So my advice with regard to writing down negative feelings, is to write them down, then discard them. Tear them up, burn them, whatever it takes, but don't let those negative thoughts back in.

6. Meet some new people.

When couples divorce, there may be a feeling amongst some of the friends of that couple who feel as though there is a need to take sides. You may find that you will need to meet new people, and take a step back from that even for a short time. Get yourself some friends that you and your ex don't have in common. My ex and I used to work in the same industry, and as a result, we shared a lot of the same business colleagues. So as soon as our relationship ended, I started my own business doing something that wasn't related in any way, shape or form to what he does for a living. I feel like a zillion bucks .

7. Find new interests.

The next step to rebuilding your sense of self-esteem would be to find some new interests. Find something that makes you feel good/better about yourself. Kickboxing. Kickboxing is an amazing way to get rid of certain frustrations, AND introduces you to a new sport (I brought a picture of my ex to my kickboxing class, and taped it to the heavy bag.). If you enjoy being outdoors, you might consider joining a running club, a rowing club, or anything else that allows you to be outdoors while meeting new people.

8. Make peace with yourself.

Understand that what happened, for whatever reason that it happened, is done. Over. Let it go. Move on. Whatever kind of bitterness that may have existed when he/she left, is going to have to get lost or it will get in the way of your true progress. I know. I did it. Get past it. How do you 'get past it'? By doing these nine steps.

9. Accept the fact that things happen.

No doubt about it. Bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. Stuff happens more often than it doesn't. Nothing we can do about it. Can't control it. Can't keep it from happening. Accept it. You'll feel better for it.

Debbie Burgin has been divorced for 5 years. She discovered upon the exit of her ex-husband, that her divorce was actually for the best. She's discovered that post-divorce, she and her children are happier, and more relaxed in their lives. She runs two of her own businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, and counsels other divorced women to "get out there, and live life!"

In The News:

Elon Musk And How Divorce Prepares Kids To Be Entrepreneurs
Forbes
The last time Musk was in the news this much was two years ago, when divorce proceedings with his first wife, Justine, threatened the Tesla Motors' IPO. While details of that divorce occupied the media's attention, it's likely that his parents' divorce ...

The Halakhic Prenuptial Agreement: A Responsible Solution to the Jewish ...
Huffington Post (blog)
The agunah or agun (literally bound woman or bound man) is the result of a situation where either spouse in a marriage refuses to accept a divorce and quite actually binds the other person in an unwanted marriage unable to begin anew the next chapter ...

and more »

Zee News
Third of all divorces cite Facebook
12NewsNow.Com
A third of all divorce filings in 2011 contained the word "Facebook," according to Divorce Online. And more than 80 percent of US divorce attorneys say social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise, according to the American Academy of ...
Facebook causing a third of all divorces: SurveyZee News
Marriage may be disliking FacebookNECN
Facebook, a home-breaker: UK surveyFirstpost
newjerseynewsroom.com -Deseret News
all 22 news articles »

Divorce and family mediation seminar offered
Houston Chronicle
Lone Star Corporate College is presenting the seminar as part of the Lone Star College Networking Lunch Series. It runs from 11 am to 1 pm June 7 at the Lone Star Community Building, 5000 Research Forest Drive, The Woodlands.

and more »

Helping Children Cope with Divorce
Sacramento Bee
By Miami Children's Hospital MIAMI, May 23, 2012 -- /PRNewswire/ -- Divorce can be a stressful time, not only for the separating spouses, but also for the children who depend on them. This transition may include moving homes, splitting time between ...

and more »

Marketplace.org
Euro leaders plan for Greece to 'divorce' the euro
Marketplace.org
Brancaccio: Greece leaving the euro is being likened to a divorce. How much would a divorce cost Europe? Walker: That's enormously difficult to estimate in terms of the wider economic cost because you are dealing with an unpredictable financial market ...
Euro zone to prepare for Greek exit scenario -sourcesReuters
Decision needed now on whether Greeks keep euroBelfast Newsletter
Let's get on with completing the euro projectFinancial Times
New York Times -Fox Business
all 6,650 news articles »

Led Zeppelin II, who changed his name from George Blackburn after divorce ...
Chicago Tribune
BETHALTO, Ill. (AP) — Led Zeppelin II, who was known as George Blackburn for most of his life, changed his name last fall after a divorce. His daughter, Mindy Baker of Seattle, says Zeppelin, who died Friday at age 64 of a heart attack, wanted to ...
Led Zeppelin II RIPantiMUSIC.com
Led Zeppelin II Has DiedUltimate Classic Rock
Led Zeppelin II Dies at 64: Man Who Changed Name to Favorite AlbumAllMediaNY

all 29 news articles »

Divorce Questions: Should We Stay Together For The Kids?
Huffington Post
Too many therapists think they have the easy answer whether to stay because divorce is often destructive to children or leave because if the parents are happier, the children will be better off. The facts speak for themselves. Divorce wreaks havoc on ...

DigitalJournal.com
Man divorces his wife due to her 550 cats in their home
Examiner.com
A man advised the Rabbinical Court in Beersheba that he had to get a divorce from his wife due to her hundreds of cats she brought into the home as pets. He said that the cats blocked access to the bathroom, did not allow him to prepare meal, ...
Reason for divorce: wife kept 550 cats in their homeDigitalJournal.com
I know you have a comment about this one ….READ and POST ITGretawire (blog)

all 4 news articles »

PerezHilton.com
Bethenny Frankel 'is heading for divorce with a cast iron pre-nup in place'
Daily Mail
By Amelia Proud Bethenny Frankel and her husband of two years, Jason Hoppy are rumoured to be heading the for divorce courts. Their troubles have been well documented through her TV show, which has the now sarcastic sounding title - Bethenny Ever After ...
Bethenny Frankel & Jason Hoppy…Ever Over???PerezHilton.com
Bethenny Frankel & Jason Hoppy Met With Divorce Lawyers — ReportHollywood Life
Report: Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy met with divorce lawyersTheCelebrityCafe.com
Examiner.com -Zap2it.com (blog) -Belfast Telegraph
all 39 news articles »

Google News